These Times

Life after life, here on planet Earth

Kirk Ericson | Aug 22, 20240

Courtesy of Brad Lyman count

Rita Lyman.

"We are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is." - Mark Vonnegut

Brad Lyman of Shelton recently received a letter from LifeNet Health, a nonprofit organization based in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

"Dear Mr. Lyman," starts the letter, dated June 24. "Thank you for reaching out to us regarding your wife's donation(s). I researched Rita's gifts and learned that as of this date, she has helped 429 people here and abroad. Below, I have listed the type of gift Rita provided and the number of people she has helped. I hope this information brings some measure of comfort to your family ..."

Rita Lyman died in a three-vehicle crash nearly two years ago while she drove along U.S. Highway 101, bound for Olympia. She was 66 years old. A wooden cross several feet off the southbound lanes marks the death of the other person killed in the collision, Duane Wharton of Olympia.

Brad lives near Island Lake, close enough to U.S. 101 to have heard the sirens that sad September day. He told me last weekend, while sitting in the backyard of his home with his older sister, Sandy Matye, that the number of sirens that morning caught his attention.

Around 11:30 p.m., the sirens were explained. He opened his front door to find the Mason County coroner, a Washington State Patrol trooper and another person on his porch.

"There have been seven distributions of the gift of tendons and ligaments for transplantation in Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas and South Korea," the letter from LifeNet continues. "Tendons and ligaments are used as grafts that repair a torn or ruptured ligament. This surgery allows recipients to resume normal activities with little or no pain and with increased range of motion ..."

A few hours after learning his companion of more than 30 years was gone, Brad received a phone call seeking information about his wife. Rita had registered to be an organ and tissue donor. The caller needed to know about any illnesses, surgeries and other personal aspects of her life that could affect the parts of her body that could be transplanted.

"It was hard," Brad said. "My head was swimming, but I'm glad I knew all the answers to the questions."

Sandy has shared Rita's transplant story with others. Sandy wrote me, "Everyone with whom I have shared the story has expressed astonishment at the number of people a single person can help just by being an organ donor. Most everyone said they thought it was only major organs that were used: heart, kidneys, eyes, etc., with donations to 6 or 7 people at the most. Apparently, our bodies have much more to give."

Rita's memorial drew hundreds of people, a testament to how much she gave before she had even more to give.

"Rita was well-known and much loved," Sandy wrote me in an email. "Over 300 people attended her celebration of life. Her circle of friends was like a huge Venn diagram, and I don't think it's much of an exaggeration to say that each and every one of her friends felt they were in the middle of that huge circle. After she died, I told my brother that she was like sparkling glue, always smiling, loving everyone and bringing people together. That her generosity has extended well beyond her life is not a surprise."

I appreciate how difficult it must have been for Brad to invite a newspaper columnist into his home to talk about this impossible moment in his life. I'm grateful Brad and Sandy would trust me to tell the story.

I didn't ask Brad this, but after spending an hour with him, I suspect one of the elements that motivated him to talk to me was driven by this question: "What would Rita do?"

When I've faced painful times that require painful decisions, my mind often goes to my father. I got to know him pretty well, being my father and all - and I've gotten to know him better since he died in 2010 -and I've found the question is best asked this way: "What would my father want me to do?"

When life presents us with agony, we inevitably ask, "Why?" In Brad's case, why did someone who wasn't in any condition to safely operate a vehicle swerve at that precise moment to cause my wife to die?

Why?

But the better question in these matters might be "What now?" What can I do with my pain to help others? If I can be allowed to speak for the entire universe here, that's the supreme question the universe wants us to ask. The question isn't, "Why did this have to happen?" The question is, "What can we do now to help others?"

Brad said he found comfort when he discovered the extent of Rita's contributions to the living because of her choice to be an organ and tissue donor.

Brad did what he knew Rita would have done.

To Donate Your Body

The state Department of Licensing has information on becoming an organ and tissue donor. Go to http://www.dol.wa.gov and type "become an organ donor" in the search bar. You can also contact LifeCenter Northwest at 877-275-5269 or send an email to [email protected].