Random thoughts for a day in May

What do golf and life have in common?

The fewer the strokes, the better.

I don’t worry about computers acting like humans. The bigger threat to humanity is humans acting like robots.

The best part about living a long life is you get more opportunities to become a better person.

An outdoor loveseat covered in moss has forfeited any claim to being a loveseat.

If you tell a person on the street that you don’t have spare change for them, it’s not a good time to also mention that you own two homes and that you’re late for a dinner reservation.

Here’s an easy solution to a common problem: If you’re at a crosswalk or intersection and one of those standoffs develops where the other person is waving for you to go first, but you want them to go first, lower your head so you break eye contact. Eventually, the other person will go first. You’ll never lose another standoff with this tactic.

I bet this has happened in a workplace in Washington since we made marijuana legal here: An employee has texted or emailed her boss saying she’s coming in late today because she accidentally ate a marijuana edible. And the boss might have replied, “Thanks for letting me know! We’ve all been there!! LOL!!!”

I bet some highly paid brains in this country are working feverishly at this very moment to figure out how to charge people for each email they send.

When people won’t admit to being embarrassed about something embarrassing, it might be because they’re embarrassed to admit they’re embarrassed.

Here’s a motto for Americans’ eating habits: “I don’t need it, but I’ll eat it.”

A woman I had just met said, “My first husband was German.”

“What nationality was he after he was German?” I asked.

“What I meant was, he’s passed on,” she said.

Oh.

When a rebuilt and decked-out vintage car passes by or stops at a crosswalk as I walk across, I always look away from the car. I don’t want to give the driver the idea that I approve of his obsession.

If you’re an obstetrician living in Maryland, you’re an MD in MD.

Self-deprecating humor isn’t really self-deprecating if you’re doing it so people like you more.

“Your money is safe” is what the federal government would tell us if the banking system was collapsing. However, saying “your money is safe” is also what the federal government would tell us if the banking system was sound. You can’t really know for certain, so if you insist on having an opinion on the state of our financial systems, especially after last weekend’s collapse of First Republic Bank, just adopt the viewpoint of a person whose opinion on abortion you support. You’ll save a lot of time that way.

When I was a kid growing up in rural Spokane County, I kicked many a can down the road while walking home from the school bus stop. I enjoyed it, even turning it into a contest by counting the number of kicks it took to get the can to our front door. Then I grew up and started hearing politicians and pundits say, “We don’t want to kick the can down the road anymore.” I bet those people never kicked a real can down a real road. I say, let’s spend more time kicking the can down the road.

Author Bio

Kirk Ericson, Columnist / Proofreader

Shelton-Mason County Journal & Belfair Herald
email: [email protected]