Random thoughts for a day in March

What if it turns out, despite all evidence to the contrary, that life is fair?

If the president of the United States and the pope were figures in the board game Stratego, which one would have the higher rank?

Here’s a line to use on people arguing with you: “I’m getting too much static from your attic!”

I heard a fellow on the radio who was a professor of … I can’t remember exactly what, but he definitely was a professor of some really smart stuff.

When former Fox personality Bill O’Reilly dies, a lot of people in this country will think, “What? He wasn’t dead yet?”

The older I get, the more I hear myself saying, “The older I get …”

Foolishness is wasted on the young.

Few organs weigh heavier than a broken heart.

It’s liberating to let your tears dry on your face.

If humans had owners who were 10 times bigger than us, and they required us to go the bathroom in a box filled with sand, I bet those owners would think, “How could so much stuff come out of creatures so small?”

The lesson of Las Vegas: When you lie down with lizards, don’t be surprised when you wake up with scales.

What do you do when you don’t want to live, but don’t want to die? Try to get rich!

True love is gone when she’s beyond tears and he’s beyond lies.

I recently read a series on schizophrenia in a newspaper. It was a two-part series, which struck me as being in bad taste.

Perhaps there seems to be more loud cars these days because their catalytic converters were stolen.

My death will be the biggest story of my life, but I won’t be able to write or talk about it, which only compounds the seeming meaningless of it all.

I bet someone in the history of this world has died in a toe-fungus-related incident.

According to the movies, when people ordered whiskey in the old West, they’d slap the bar and say “Whiskey, barkeep!” Then they’d get a shot of whiskey. But why don’t you ever hear a barkeep ask, “What kind of whiskey?”

What percentage of humans get to die on their death bed?

Here’s something people in the future will ask about those of us alive now: “You mean, they ate chinook salmon? Even though they knew chinook were endangered? Really?”

A good way to experience the relativity of time is to compare spending one minute in an ice-cold shower to 30 minutes scrolling through Facebook. That one minute under cold water will seem infinitely longer.

The nation’s advertising influencers have successfully convinced Americans to replace the term “junk food” with “comfort food.” You know somebody got a pay raise for that.

I’m noticing people are using the words “crazy” and “insane” more often to describe the weather. This is likely another symptom of climate change.

The word “texts” is a difficult word to enunciate so it sounds different than the word “techs.” Try it. See whether you can pronounce both words so someone can tell the difference.

Why regulations are good:

NEW YORK (AP) — U.S. health officials said Thursday (Feb. 2) a company is recalling its over-the-counter eye drops that have been linked to an outbreak of drug-resistant infections. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention sent a health alert to doctors, saying the outbreak included at least 55 people in 12 states. One died and at least five others had permanent vision loss.

Author Bio

Kirk Ericson, Columnist / Proofreader

Shelton-Mason County Journal & Belfair Herald
email: [email protected]