Random thoughts for a September day

Kirk Ericson | Sep 08, 20220

Someone should introduce a brand of cigarettes called Moderate. That way, people could call themselves Moderate smokers.

People without shelter are called homeless, so people with shelter should be called home-full.

Because the term “food allergy” has a negative connotation, I imagine our nation’s word sanitizers are busy dreaming up a bland new phrase for this condition. Here are a couple of ideas to get us started: “Food incompatibility syndrome” or “the nutravergent.”

A proposal for a new anti-drinking campaign: Chug responsibly.

It’s not edgy or original anymore to set a TV series or a movie in a post-apocalyptic or dystopian universe. What would be genuinely edgy would be a series or a film set in a utopian universe.

A song lyric I heard over the car radio: “I want to make more than rent.”

It recently occurred to me that the length of a thing is always longer than its width.

My new favorite Washington geographic name: Dismal Nitch. It’s a cove on the Columbia River, not far from the bridge to Astoria, Oregon.

Here’s a key element to getting people to believe fake conspiracies: Make them think the phrase “question everything” makes complete sense. Could you imagine if you operated that way? For instance, you’d have to question why you put your left shoe on first instead of your right. Why wear socks? Does the sun really rise in the east? Is salt a seasoning or a way to introduce microchips into your system? Is the moon round? Is the person who says she’s my mother really my mother? Is the shortest distance between two points really a straight line? You’d have no time for anything, including joining an insurrection.

It takes three days to get used to the sight of new shoes on your feet.

If you think about it, all solutions are temporary.

I know someone who used to have salt-and-pepper hair. Before the salt-and-pepper hair, he had pepper hair, but now he just has salt hair — the pepper left. Another fellow I know has paprika hair.

Here are some names that would be terrible names for a day care. Again, if you’re thinking of starting a day care, and I can’t stress this strongly enough, you should not use any of the following names for your business: L’il Kidnapperz; Charnel Playhouse; Pick a Kid.

The Republican candidate for Grays Harbor County assessor is Rick Hole.

My oldest brother’s middle name is our father’s middle name. My second oldest brother’s middle name is our grandfather’s first name. My sister’s middle name is our grandmother’s first name, and my middle name is the name of the guy who delivered me. I had apparently drained my parents’ naming reservoir.

Couples on the verge of having their final child move out of the house often experience teary moments when they consider their child will be gone soon. This could be called pre-empty nest syndrome.

Many crosswalks in cities these days have audible indicators to let pedestrians know when it’s safe or unsafe to cross the street. The devices tell pedestrians “Wait” or “Walk” or speak the name of the street. What if you could make those indicators even more observant, to the point where they could criticize or compliment a waiting pedestrian? It could say, “Don’t slouch” or “lose weight” or “you need to save more for retirement” or “nice hair!”

Idea for a bumper sticker: I’m an American. I must speculate.

I’ve been jumping rope for exercise. I mentioned that to one of my kid’s teenage friends and she said, “Uh, you mean you’re playing jump rope?”