Try something new in the kitchen

Kirk Ericson | Dec 16, 20210

Cooking doesn’t have to be a burden. It can be fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! You can never be too unmotivated or too unskilled to learn to prepare zesty and tasty meals that satisfy palates of all ages, including that grumbling Gus in your family.

Me, I’m Mr. Ten Thumbs in the kitchen, but I was recently given a cookbook, “Cooking for People,” that has inspired me. The recipes in the book are easy to follow, even for the cooking challenged.

Here’s a sampling of some of the recipes:

Stuffed Brioche: Costco usually has fantastic deals on bagged brioche. Once the brioche is in hand, bring the following to a slow boil: Beef bouillon, shaved Northwest truffles and a pureed capon. Inject the concoction into each brioche with a turkey baster. Don’t forget napkins with this one!

Bacon-infused Jell-O: This delightful treat is half entrée, half dessert. Submerge cooked bacon and accompanying grease in chocolate-fudge Jell-O before the gelatin sets. Leave house for three hours. Upon your return, create a lattice with remaining bacon. Enjoy your infused Jello-O with cream or whole milk, or almond milk if you’re intolerant. Bon appetit!

Penne Pasta Ravioli Spaghetti Linguine al Dente with Green Sauce: Pour a quarter cup of each kind of pasta into boiling water. Add green dye to ragu sauce and pour sauce over pasta. This will shut up the kids!

Pulled Pork Flambe: Take 2 pounds of pork brisket, soak for five hours in your favorite honey-mustard marinade, then set on fire with your favorite butane-kerosene mix. Allow flames to subside before serving. Warms six.

Blackened Aardvark Salad: Remove aardvark from package. Damp dry. Check behind ears and tongue for overlooked ants or termites. Cut aardvark breast into cubes, marinate overnight and then cook cubes on high heat. This can be a wonderful addition to a Cobb salad.

Northwest Insect Surprise: Eating ground-up insects as a protein source is making the hop, skip and jump from Third World subsistence consumption to First World haute cuisine dining. This recipe calls for 6 tablespoons of locally sourced murder hornets, 1 tablespoon of your favorite Washington beetle and 1 teaspoon of sugar ants. Add a pinch of ground silverfish for texture. Mix well. Sprinkle with ground lady bugs. Serve over yogurt. Yum!

Welsh Rarebit: Don’t be afraid to make substitutions in the kitchen. For instance, with this classic meal, you can substitute Camembert cheese for melted cheddar, Kool-Aid for beer, mayonnaise for mustard, soy sauce for Worcestershire sauce, and instead of pouring the tasty concoction over toast, eat it straight from the pot! Cleanup has never been easier!

Kimchi au Gratin: Melding culinary treats from around the world can result in a mind- and stomach-expanding meal while promoting a deeper understanding of other cultures. For the kimchi, you’ll combine a head of cabbage with brine, garlic, scallions, chili pepper, turmeric, cumin and fenugreek. Add crushed capers. Seal concoction in a 1-quart jar and bury in backyard for 20 days. If you don’t have a backyard, bury in front yard. Ladle with creamy scalloped potatoes before serving. You can teach the world to sing with this number!

Kippered Anchovy Kabob: Here’s something for the barbecue. Smoke fresh anchovies over low heat in the barbecue for three hours. Sprinkle with salt, then place on skewers. If the anchovies won’t stay on the skewers, attach them to something that will, such as chunks of head cheese. Add onion, potato and sour herring to complete each skewer.

OK. That’s enough to get you started on your culinary adventure. Good luck!